Tonight I am neither funny, nor creative.

Dear Federal Government:

I would like my refund. Now.

By the way, just so we're clear in the future, am I supposed to offer you my first-born, too? Or just my kidney?

Thanks for the clarification.
Always,
Noodles.
_________
Dear Girls In Cute Flat Knee-High Leather Boots:

OMG! Your shoes are so freaking cute. I want them. But then I realized... I am not Robin Hood. And neither are you. So let's not dress in period attire, okay?

Sincerely,
Noodles
__________
Dear Dishes:

You're starting smell. Perhaps you might want to get around to cleaning yourself? You're going to start to smell bad soon.

Although, the economy is getting bad and money is tight. So you never know when some home-made penicillin might come in handy.

Love,
Lazy Noodles
__________
Dear Life:

WTF? Really?

Kindly,
Noodles

P.S. Can I have an intern? Pretty please? I promise not to be abusive.