Ambitious thoughts from a body at rest.

Maybe it's because of this totally welcomed thaw, but I'm getting antsy. Fidgety. I'm unhappy with my body and the way it feels (when it's not, you know, heaving into a church camp toilet at 4 a.m. in rural Wisconsin during a women's retreat.)

I'm just tired and fed up and worn out with the status quo. Which would basically be me (the blob) and my impossible-to-counteract inertia.

So, I am deciding to train.

For what might you ask?

Well, good question, reader.

I'm not sure yet. But I live to screw up the curve, so I'm sort of thinking of training for two things. Yes, yes, I know this is probably a baaaad idea. But let me explain.

I love to cycle. Once the mercury hits 40 consistently, my butt and I will be commuting everywhere together. It's about a 16 mile round trip bike ride from my house to the office and it's no sweat. (Ok, that's a lie. I'm a sweaty fool when I get there. But I do not feel at all ready to die.) The longest I've ever ridden straight is 30 miles, which wasn't even a big challenge. So I think I want to try a big distance ride.

Those of you know me in real life know that I've waxed on and on and on about the Apple Cider Century, which is held each fall across the lake in Michigan. It's supposedly beautiful and low key and a great day. I'm interested in the 60 or 75 mile ride, although part of me says I should go big or go home and do the full century. But I probably won't. I just want to do the middle distances.

Meanwhile, I've also managed to convince myself that I want to do a sprint triathlon before I turn 30. (Which, btw, will occur in exactly 2 years, 3 months and 10 days. Not that I'm counting.) I think the sprint distance is entirely manageable and the hardest part would be the running, since I don't, you know, run. Ever. Unless I'm being chased by a big pack of rabid animals. And even then, I might stop for a cookie. But whatever.

Anyway, the sprint distance is a half mile swim, a 13 mile bike ride and a 5k run. The name, perhaps, is deceiving since I would not at all be sprinting. Just trying to finish.

Chicago has a HUGE triathlon in late August. But I'm totally freaked out by it. A) I am slow. And fat. And I do not care to be surrounded by the hardcore athletes who flock to this thing. I don't entirely get the first-timer vibe from it, but I could be wrong. B) There are boys. Mean, testosterone-fuel, PR-setting boys. And frankly, I do not want to be in their way. C) It's expensive. Like, $165 to register. Eesh.

Some of my co-workers in Seattle trained together and did the SheROX Tri last year. They have events all around the country and it's all-women. Which takes care of the testosterone issue. It's also supposed to be a totally welcoming and awesome event for tri-virgins and the super slow molasses folks like me.

The team invited me to fly out to Seattle and do it with them this summer, which is awesome and lovely. But see C) (expensive plane ticket) as an issue, even though it's a much cheaper registration fee. But yay for an actual team of girls that I know and love.

The SheROX series has a Chicago event in late September, in fact the same weekend as the Apple Cider Century. And, maybe I'm a wuss, but I have no desire to do an open-water swim when it's almost October.

So, here's my conundrum. Do I pony up the cash and swallow my pride and do the hometown tri? I know the course. Presumably I could bribe a few of you to come cheer me on. Or do I suck up the money and go to Seattle? Or do I look for a third option?

And while I'm on this topic, am I fucking insane? I hate exercise. But I don't, you know, want to die. And I like food too much. So I'd rather work out so I can eat.

I don't know. I'm indecisive. And scared. And I don't have a great track record of success here. But I'd love to accomplish something. And I think if I build up enough endurance for the tri, doing the big bike ride a month later should be no problem at all. Especially if I'm only doing 60 miles.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Inspiring comments? Tips?