Wednesday, February 25, 2009

This stuff only happens to me.

Who: Me, sadly.
What: Horribly embarrassing-yet-funny moment.
When: 7:28 p.m.
Where: Ash Wednesday services at my church.
Why: Static cling.
How: Because I have bad karma.

Picture this. We've just finished with a period of silent meditation. It's time to get up from our seats and head over to the ashes. I get up, put my hands on my back to stretch and am like, what? My shirt must be bunched up.

I adjust. Still feel bunching. Reach under my sweater to fix _ after all, the old people in front of me are taking a REALLY long time to walk up to the ashes _ and then I find it. Yup. A pair of stockings. Stuck like magnets to the inside of my sweater, where apparently, they've been all damn day.

So, I do what any self-respecting girl would do during the solemn part of the service and reach in, yank them out, shove them in my pocket and proceed up for my ashes while trying not to giggle myself into a stupor.

Seriously, universe? Pantyhose? In CHURCH? WTF?? And what I'm at it, what's with all you coworker people who didn't say, "Hey Noodles, looking a little lumpy in the back today..." Did you think I'd just retained some water??

I guess there is an upside to this story.

It could have been my black thong.


Lido Vizzutti said...

... and it could have been on the outside of the sweater. Still, funny lady - I have a habit of putting the contents of my pockets in my hat when I get home for work. In the morning, I empty the hat back into my pockets and head out the door. Once at work, I usually end up taking my ball cap off to sweat under the pressure or cry into my hands... It was about 30 minutes before one of my coworkers asked, "Dude... why do you have a quarter stuck to the middle of your forehead?" - Not church I know...

Paula Prass said...

Okay, I'm laughing so hard, I'm crying. You just posted on my blog, and I thought,"Hmm, someone named Noodles might be interesting." So I take a peek over here. Between you and your friend Lido, you two could write a book! And I could add a few chapters of my own!!

Noodles said...

Lido: Please, please, please, please tell me that someone took a picture and then drop everything that you are doing and e-mail it to me RIGHT. THIS. SECOND. Also a bonus: it could have been a penny. Then you would have looked both silly & poor. :-)

Paula: Welcome!! Story sharing _ humiliating and not _ is totally encouraged. But because fate has it in for me, most of my stories usually involve my own humiliation. But hey, what's life if you can't laugh at yourself. And your pantyhose?

The Modern Gal said...

You're right. only you.

Anonymous said...

Generally I don't wear stockings, but I had the same thing happen at the office. Dwight