Monday, January 11, 2010

In which I royally piss off the universe.

It was long, draining and downright shitty day work today. On the bus ride home, which, btw, dropped me off at my house roughly 13 hours after I left in the morning, I decided to turn the shittasticness into sparkle and bake cookies for my coworkers and spend the night working on baby quilts for my pregger girl friends.

What a dumb idea that was.

I probably should have realized the universe was against me when I saw that I had only 3/4 of a cup of flour. (How the HELL did that happen? I'm a self-professed compulsive baker.) Luckily, I had some extra whole wheat flour lying around, which OMG would make my cookies HEALTHY! I started making my modified Toll House recipe and then ... DAMMIT, I have one tiny, hard-as-nails chunk of brown sugar.

This of course, is not the end of the world. I mean, any reasonable person would have put on her boots (Oops, left them at work), her coat, and scarf and gloves and hat and trudged to the damn store. But have I mentioned it's cold as balls here? And snowing? And OMG I WANT COOKIES NOW.

Since by this point I want nothing more than to eat my weight in cookie dough as I try to shed a bad day, I keep going. I try softening the brown sugar. It doesn't want to cooperate. It gets sorta less rock like and I put it in mixer. And then I make the critical mistake of trying to mash up the chunks while the beater thingies are beating.

Note to self. It's best to do this step when the mixer isn't ACTIVELY mixing. Because this is the end result of that effort.

What the hell is that, you ask? Why, it's a completely mangled and bent attachment to my standup mixer. Fucking A....

So now, let's recap:
_ Long day.
_ Bad day.
_ Critical ingredient shortage.
_ Broken forever mixer.
_ Shitty-tasting cookies thanks to ingredients shortage (who the HELL wants whole wheat cookies anyway? What? Should I serve them with a side of tofu and wheatgrass? Phhsaw.)
_ And one very grumpy Noodles.

Epic effing fail.

P.S. After this series of events, there's no way in hell I'm letting my fingers near a razor-sharp rotary cutter.


Ms. H said...

Oh my goodness!! It appears that your today was the day I had last Friday. Well, except for the "epic effin fail"....I didn't even DARE get anywhere near kitchen implements (forget the slash-your-hand-off-your-body rotary cutter!!)

I hope tomorrow's better!!

Sara said...

Awww.... I'm so sorry. That makes me want to cry a little for you. Your poor mixer, too. Can you buy new beaters, or is the motor fried, too?

The Modern Gal said...

Ha ha, oh my. I'm sorry, Sparkles. (but that photo is kind of funny). I'm sorry about your day and your cookies and your mixer.

I read something recently that suggested keeping a marshmallow or two inside your bag of brown sugar to keep it soft. I know that wouldn't have helped last night, but maybe it will help for the future.

greydolphin said...

In spite of your bad day, great post. Think of it this get an excuse to buy a new, fabulous mixer.

And if you need cookies someday, try this flour or brown sugar needed! (i, too, feel the need to bake often)

1 box of cake mix (i love lemon)
2 eggs
3/4 cup veg oil

bake 8-10 minutes at 350. YUM.

Anonymous said...

Here's to better days. I am sure that you are bound to have better ones after that disastrous one.


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