These things made me giggle.

 

Random selection of my nerd humor, courtesy of one of my pinterest boards. You're welcome.

This is a post about an ironing board.

Do not let the title of this post fool you. This is not a euphemism. This post really is about an ironing board. Specifically, this ironing board. Perhaps you'll agree with me that it has seen better days. (Note: All photos shot and edited on my iPhone because I was too lazy to do anything else.)

It's not just that this ironing board is The Ugliest Ironing Board in the History of Ironing Boards. It's that this particular ironing board has also lost a chunk of its padding, making it a shitty ironing board to try to use for its intended ironing purpose. (It's still great at holding groceries, fabric, books and laundry.) Adding insult to ironing injury: my condo is roughly the size of a shoe box. Add that to the fact that I keep my ironing board out a lot because, as anyone who has a sewing habit can tell you, you use your iron a damn lot when your sewing machine is going. Also: I am too lazy to put it back.

All this is to say that the World's Ugliest Ironing Board has been spending a lot of time front and center in my living room. Say it with me: BARF.

I keep thinking I'll sew a new cover. I don't. I keep looking at covers when I see the in the store and almost buy them. But they're too old-lady/paisley/vomit-colored. So I don't.

But on Friday, I found myself clicking through Etsy. Ten minutes and $33 later, I had a new ironing board pad and cover winging their way to me from this super-fabulous store.

For the curious, I disassembled my old cover/pad and discovered this disturbing-looking, totally flattened, and sorta crumbling bit o' foam underneath. It was sad.

Yes. Totally time for an upgrade. Here's the new pad in its bag. For the curious (com'n, nerd out with me), the pad is quilted and teflon-coated. This means it reflects heat, which is kick-ass when you're ironing.

Here's the cover. It's Joel Dewberry's Modern Meadow Sunflower.

Here's an extremely phallic-looking shot of the ironing board with its new pad. Sorta like a quilted space-like uber Trojan, no?

And finally, voila: here 'tis. The finished product. (Try to ignore the shit storm of clutter around it. If I was too lazy to use my real camera, you've GOT to believe I was too lazy to tidy up.)

So there you have it: Six photos and 400 words on my new ironing board cover. And one dick joke thrown in for good measure. (You're welcome.) (That's what she said.)

In which I make a to-do list

My I-Want-To-Make-This-Awesome-Thing-Right-Now list is getting bitch-ass long. (Yes, I used bitch-ass. Your point?)

Anywho, since I am spending more time thinking of things I want to make instead of finishing the projects I have to do (I'm looking at your quilt back, Modern Gal.) I thought I'd show you some things on my crafty to-do list.

I want to make this super-awesome quilt using Anna Maria Horner's latest fabric line, Loulouthi. I like that the big blocks show off the big patterns, and mean that the quilt wouldn't take very long to put together. (I like to plow through projects, not spend years on them. I am all about crafty instant gratification.)

(Photo by Pins & Bobbins; Pattern by Stitched in Color.)


This awesome needlepoint pattern. Keep in mind, I don't needlepoint. But I grew up watching my mom do it and I've been dying to learn and this kit by Modern Needleworks has me drooling, in large part because nothing about it says grandma. And because it's a full kit that has the pattern painted on the canvas. I may be a math nerd at the office, but I refuse to stitch things that require me to count to recreate a pattern. (I'm looking at you Counted Cross Stitch.)


A version of this pillow by The Rebel Homemaker, with warmer colors in the panels.



Anything that could even come, maybe, possibly, sorta close to look as awesome as this stitching by Prints Charming.


And, last but certainly not least, this kick-ass crewel sampler made by Alicia Paulson. The practical among you will point out that I don't know how to do crewel. I will grit my teeth and stomp my feet and say, so?!? And then figure out how to learn.


So that's some of what I've been drooling over. What are you and your fingers itching to get into?

Foodgasms and farmers' markets

You would think that after five years in Chicago, I would have -- at some point -- made my way to the Green City Market. Well, er, oopsies. Better late than never, no?

For those non-Chicagoans, GCM is a farmers' market that sells all local, sustainably grown food from farms in Illinois, Indiana, Michigan and Wisconsin. Everything is delicious and in season. And is like foodgasm central. Also, they sell a lot of kale.

$35 in organic produce later (including, for the curious, at least two varieties of kale and one bag of quickly consumed cheese curds.), I had to stop buying things and start taking pictures of them to at least keep my budget from full-on imploding.

But serious, y'all. Look at this food porn! If you're trapped in the city, this is just about heaven.









The last two shots were taken in my living room while I was cooking up a great sweet corn side dish. If you play nice, I'll pass along the recipe.

Over and out. I gotta go eat.

It is hot.

So naturally, this was my dinner last night.


Totally reasonable on Chicago's first 100-degree day in six years, right? RIGHT!?

So much to say. So much to say.

"The rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated." - Mark Twain

Yes. I started a post with a quote. I'm that uncreative girl. Sue me.

Surliness aside, I thought I'd pop back to these parts to say hello and dispel any rumors (among the four of you who read this blog) that I've vanished. In fact, here I am! In all my saucy glory, alive and kicking.

Here's a much-abbreviated, much-forgotten summary of the past many months.

_ I started running. Yes. Me. And not like that last time, either. In fact, dare I say, I've become a wanna-be Sporty Spice since last we left this space. I started in February, doing the Couch to 5K program. I was running for 60 seconds at a time my first week, with the goal of doing a 5K by my 30th birthday in May. Somehow, some way, the process clicked and for the first time, I actually started to get the hang of it. I rocked the 5K with the help of some fabulous girlfriends who ran alongside me as part of the b-day celebration. (Sadly, I opted to leave a birthday tiara at home.) And after that, I kept going. And this Sunday, I shocked just about everyone (and most especially myself) and ran my first-ever 10K, running every freakin' step of the 6.2 miles. Craziest of all is that I knew after the hard run, I'd need to take a few days off to recover and I'm already antsy to get back out there. Say it with me: WTF.

_ I got to see The Modern Gal get hitched to her super awesome Modern Mister, who is technically known as The Modern Love Machine, but don't you just like Modern Mister better? As one would expect from someone with The Modern Moniker, her wedding was super fun and super chill and all around awesome, despite the crazy Memphis heat and the fact that one of the photographers had to go to the hospital to get stitches the morning of the wedding after getting thwacked in the head while shooting the guys playing disc golf. Unlike other weddings I've been to, where it's obvious people are trying too hard or trying to fit themselves into very specific boxes of what they think The Perfect Wedding should be, The Modern Matrimony (or, Modtrimony as we called it on Twitter) was completely authentic to this couple. It was a lovely, refreshing change.

_ I went to DC to hang out with my peeps. It was our annual reunion. We ate lots of crabs.

_ I turned 30. And celebrated by the aforementioned 5K, which was followed by karaoke. I have yet to have an Oh-My-God-I'm-30 Crisis. I take this as a good sign that this decade is going to kick ass.

_ I've sewed. A lot. And embroidered. And stuff.

_ I spent far too much money on stuff.

_ I read many awesome books.

_ I took a seminary class. And decided I should not, not NOT go to seminary. What was I thinking?

_ Despite all that, I made a new Chicago BFF, who of course is leaving in several short weeks for a new adventure in New Jersey where she's off to ... wait for it ... seminary. Follow her adventures here. And note I'm already lobbying for inclusion as a sermon anecdote sometime in the future.

_ I developed an unhealthy obsession with banana pudding. Please, if you're in Chicago, make me some.

_ Oh, and three days after my last post it snowed buckets and buckets and buckets. Today's 98 degrees.

There you go. You've been caught up on the past five months. Or something.

Feel better? Me, too.